Do you ever get to the point where running isn’t the worst?

I have been on three runs since I started this and I will get to that but first I want to talk about a comment that was posted on Facebook.  Most everyone that reads this does so through what I post on Facebook so you might have seen the comment.  The question was: Do you ever get to the point where running isn’t the worst?  Now, keep in mind that I am nearly 290 lbs when I say this but, yes, mostly. 

When I started this last time, the time where I lost 50 lbs and started running half marathons, I got to the point where my weekend runs, my long runs, were anywhere from 12 to 16 miles and I love them dearly.  Cruising through the woods, laying down mile after mile became this amazing experience that I loved.  Of course, it didn’t start that way.  It started with a lot of self-flogging and forcing myself out the door.  I hated it and wanted to quit.  And I kept hurting myself but I stuck with it and about 5 weeks in, I starting looking forward to my runs.  I realize now that there were a few things I realized that were working in my favor.

The first was figuring out how to not hurt myself. When I started running, I was wearing standard running shoes and my knees and back would ACHE after my runs.  At the same time, I was reading Born To Run by Christopher McDougall.  While I would recommend the book as it is an incredible story, it also ventures forth the suggestion that many of the running injuries are due to over padding in running shoes.  The argument goes that because we don’t get feedback from your feet, your form suffered, you heel strike and the shock wave damages the body.  Personally, I found this idea compelling as my heels were killing me but I never had that issue when I would run in wrestling shoes way back in high school. At the time, I knew nothing (still more or less there) so I went to the local running store and chatted them up.  In addition to selling me some minimal running shoes (little cushioning, less than 4mm drop from heel to toe), they spoke to me about form, foot fall, and how to train that.  Two things happened immediately: runs were slower and harder as I had to focus on my form so much and the pain vanished.  While the idea of minimal running shoes may be counter intuitive to some, it worked really well for me. Note, that I didn’t advocate that you just throw on the shoes and it all fixes itself, it was a process and took time but I ran three times last week and I have no pain or issues and I am pushing 290 lbs.

After Born to Run, I read every running book I could get my hands on. The inspiration helped but so did the environment I was running in.  Flagstaff is lovely, surrounded by forests, and crisscrossed with trails.  If I ever got bored, there was always another trail to try out, a new path to explore. This is important because sidewalks and concrete walk ways tend to be less than ideal and if I ever got bored, there was always a new trail to follow.  Moreover, I had a good program to follow, Podrunner Intervals. I very much enjoy DJ Steveboy’s work so it was a treat to progress to the next level and hear the new mix.

So the bottom line is, yes, running gets better with time if the conditions are right. This is particularly true if you are losing weight visibly at the same time. I can’t speak for other people, but I want to get back the feeling that can only be found after a good 12 mile run.

Great, but will it stick this time?

There was a period of time in my life when I thought that I was going to finally be skinny.  I was running a lot, I had lost 50+ lbs. I had run two half marathons, fit into clothes that I hadn’t in years, I had conquered a couple of triathlons, and things were looking good. At this point, I need to tell you that I also had a few heroes who I tried to emulate.  Scott Jurek and Dean Karnazes were/are both on that list but so was Ben Davis.  If you don’t know about Ben, you should watch this YouTube video, get a copy of his book, Do Life, or just take a look at his tumblr. He story is incredible. He is overweight, it triggers depression, this triggers eating, this contributes to the weight and the cycle continues.  He broke it, lost 120 lbs., was happy, met a woman, got married, life was good…. Right?

After he got married, he put back on the weight.  I watched his tumblr and watched as he struggled but seemed powerless in the face of it.  Suddenly, his wife was gone from the feed and I knew that they were divorcing.  Then I read this post.  The TL;DR version is this: Person askes Ben if maintaining a healthy weight ever becomes easy, Ben answers no.  The point that he makes is this: overeating happens for many reason, addiction is one of them, and it is a lifelong issue.  What is striking about this, for me, is that I could have written either side of it. It was as if Ben asked me to write the response.   When he talks about not understanding how anyone can eat only one piece of pizza, I get that.  Way better than I wish I did.

Ben has since cleaned up a lot of things from his tumblr but he had, at one point, crested 350 lbs.  He had gained back every single pound he lost with interest. At the time, I was reading his email post, I had gained 30 lbs back and at the time I write this I am at 285 lbs, 5 less than my peak.  It is hard and discouraging but true nonetheless.  But why did I gain back the weight? To answer with a question: How does anyone eat only one piece of pizza?

In the majority of my life, I am a fairly driven, no excuses type.  When people tell me about what is holding them back, I tend to say “Ok, and then what”? I mean, they have identified the issue, so where is the plan to deal with it?  We can bitch about it or we can deal with it.  And in the majority of my life, I use that approach and it works…. But not with the weight. I have come to believe that the reason that my normal approach doesn’t work is because the weight is a different type of problem than the rest I have faced. That is to say, my weight issues are unique and thus require a unique approach.  At one point, I my weekend long runs were 10 to 16 miles.  Now, a fleet of stairs can be an issue.

So why am I going to blog again?  Well, the summer I ran, blog, and did yoga saw me lose 50+ lbs, more than I ever lost before so clearly there is something there I can work with.  But more than that, I know that eating, for me, is emotional and psychological. Due to that, I think that blogging served as a social network and form of talk therapy.  So here is the goal: blog once a week, run until I don’t jiggle, claim a healthy lifestyle.  I guess this is where I am putting thoughts and I would love some feedback, if anyone reads it and wants to comment.  I am hoping to run today, maybe I will write more later.